Sunday, November 13, 2011

How to deal with negativity....

How do you deal with negativity about homeschooling? How do you handle it when it comes from the people who supposed to love you? How do you handle it when you get the criticism second hand? What do you say when a person you respect makes comments behind your back saying you shouldn't homsechool but wont say it to your face?

I know I have made it know to people in our life that Samantha is our daughter and We will do what we feel is in her best interest. Even if they happen not to agree that their opinion matters but wont sway us in what we feel is best. But to find out it goes on behind your back. Its hurtful. Its harmful to our relationship and my feelings about that person.

I would love for anyone who doesn't agree with us to please voice your concerns maybe I can put your mind at ease. But please don't say things behind my back and not think it wont get back to me. Especially since the person you talk to loves to say these things to me to harm my relationship with you, to upset me. But really talking behind my back has really done it anyway.

You know when a stranger comments on homeschooling I can care less. I will defend my life if need be. Or I just keep quiet if that is what I feel is best. Strangers make no real impact on our lives. But family members do.

What is harmful is I know this person can't really see what is special about Samantha. Only sees the negative about her. Can never look at her and see her for who she is and who she may become with unconditional love.

When I look at Samantha I see a loving child, who wants to please, who loves to see her friends happy. who will encourage a friend, will want to dry her friends eyes when upset. She loves to be loved. She loves to know that you love her in return, She is a child who craves approval, she needs to know she is loved. She craves it. She loves and needs hugs on her terms, not yours. She is a child who loves deeply and feels deeply. She is a child who will spend hours making a gift for you by her own hands. She will do this to make you smile. She is a child who needs love and unconditional love at that. She is a child who needs to know that you will forgive her for her mistakes and not hold them against her for years to come. Samantha is a child who feels all feeling deeply and often can't see past her feelings in the moment. She is a child who is trying to learn her way and control her emotions. She loves her family and wants to be accepted by them for who she is. Not who you want her to be.

Sorry for the rant today just needed to get this off my chest.

2 comments:

happy's mommy said...

Oh Jen...I'm SO sorry. It always sucks to have people talk behind your back. It does service as a friend filter...but I haven't figured out how to not have it hurt yet. And ironically...I have been dealing with the SAME issue this weekend (just not with homeschooling).

I wish I had solid advice to give you on how to handle it. But I'm muddling through it with you...trying to figure out the best way to deal with things.

I know there are a few people who haven't gossiped but have said things that made it clear we need to have a boundary in our relationship. It makes me sad...because I wish we could have a deeper friendship. But we can't.

Of course, we all make mistakes and there needs to be room for forgiveness. (totally preaching at MYSELF!) But I do think if there is a pattern there...it's a red flag. Start guarding your heart.

...danielle

Jen said...

Danielle I am sorry your going through the same thing. It stinks! I wish I had advice to give you too. But I don't. I think how I will deal with this right now is to ignore this but guard myself. I know I can't change how people think. Thankfully their opinion doesn't change what I do with Samantha. I struggle with forgiveness some of the time myself.